EX’s…

Wow, it’s been over a year since I’ve posted something. Life has been hella busy (in good way) and for a while, my creative energy was spent elsewhere.

Things have finally calmed down a little (at least for the summer), so I’m hoping to get back to a little writing. I still want to do a series about my past relationships, but I have to seriously dust off my writer’s block and clean the cobwebs from my memory, lol! But for now, I’ll start with my most recent ramblings…

EX’s…

My girlfriend and I recently celebrated our 3 year anniversary. One of the ways she wanted to commemorated it was to leave me a note on the blog dedicated to our relationship. It was a sweet, short testament to how the difficulties she endured in past relationships was worth it because it all led to me.

*If you’d like to read what she wrote, click  here .*

I feel the same way about my past. Sometimes, you appreciate your current mate more if you’ve experienced a few relationships that weren’t quite right for you. We both agree that our relationship is the healthiest either of us has ever had. And we believe that part of our success is understanding the role that all of our past relationships have played in bringing us together. Thus, instead of regretting them, we are thankful for the lessons those failed relationships taught us and we appreciate what we have together all the more.

(After all, if you were with someone who was emotionally unstable or verbally abusive or unfaithful, and throughout the relationship you cried more than you smiled, wouldn’t you appreciate someone who was the complete opposite?)

But of course, there are always haters. Especially those haters who also happen to be ex’s. I know for a fact that one of my girlfriend’s ex’s has visited my blogs at least once a month (it was almost daily when I posted more often).

I’ve read her blog too, over the years, because it’s just so entertaining!  But I digress…

So of course she read the “Happy Anniversary” note that my girlfriend left me and (as she usually does) instead of realizing we have OTHER ex’s as well, she erroneously considered it a direct attack against her. She then decides to post a blog that includes something she’d written years ago when she was hurt that the relationship was over.

I was pissed when I read it several years ago. Now when I read it, I just feel sad. Sad for her because she may still be hurting. Oh, she’ll carefully craft more posts to convince her readers (and herself) that’s she’s moved on… healed even. She’ll continue to spin her stories about what happened, continue to publicly bash my girl when she feels that her own image is threatened… hoping to hurt and embarrass her as much as she is hurt and embarrassed… and it would probably work…

…if she indeed read your blog.

However, she does NOT read your blog. She stopped doing so when you chose to continually attack her. I’m the one who keeps up with it. I may share interesting tidbits from time to time, but she doesn’t really care. Although she does find it sad that while you’re going through something so difficult with your girl, you took the time to re-post ugliness and negativity.

I’ve always wondered about something though… why write untruths about how you were the one who ended the relationship, and say really nasty things about her, hoping she’d read it and be hurt, but then try to communicate with her (under the guise of friendship or needing advice for a troubled reader)? Were you actually surprised that she didn’t respond, after the things you wrote? To her credit, she’s made the choice not to directly attack you the way you’ve attacked her, never publicly writing untruths about you or betraying your confidences.

Neither of us would’ve been opposed to having a friendship with you if you weren’t so… emotionally unstable at times. On the whole, you seem like a cool person, but it’s clear from your writings that you have a volatile emotional nature, lashing out at those closest to you when you feel affronted (whether real or imagined), not caring who you hurt during your emotional rampage; as long as everyone who you think has wronged you is hurting as much as you are, that’s all that matters at the moment.

I’m also guessing that you’re the type of person that routinely collects confidences from others, only to use those intimacies against them when you’re hurt. You probably use your gift with words to attack (written and verbal) and then resort to the silent treatment, ignoring everyone while you lick your wounds, assess how much emotional damage you’ve done to others, and conjure up a plan to “win them back.” You probably expect everyone to “understand” and love you in spite of your instability. Then, when you feel vindicated and your victims have suffered enough, you try to heal the wounds you inflicted during your emotional wrath by showering them with loving words, attention, and affection, wooing them back into a place of comfort and false security, until the next time you lash out… starting the messy cycle all over again.

(It’s just not healthy to have people who behave in such a way in one’s inner circle because as good of a friend as they could be, you never know when they’ll turn and attack. Sometimes, if you’re in a relationship/friendship with someone like this, you usually don’t realize how bad it is until you distance yourself from them and/or you surround yourself with more emotionally stable people.)

I also believe that if you’re feeling any negative emotions while reading this, you’ll either lash out at me for “being wrong and not knowing anything about you”, or you’ll agree with some or all of it and find a way to spin it in a blog so that you can still come out on top.

It’s okay, we’ll continue to be your little monsters if it helps you feel better and takes your mind away from bigger issues…

It really is sad though. I honestly think we all could have become good friends. But I guess it is true…

…some ex’s are ex’s (and stay ex’s) for very good reasons. :-/