EX’s…

Wow, it’s been over a year since I’ve posted something. Life has been hella busy (in good way) and for a while, my creative energy was spent elsewhere.

Things have finally calmed down a little (at least for the summer), so I’m hoping to get back to a little writing. I still want to do a series about my past relationships, but I have to seriously dust off my writer’s block and clean the cobwebs from my memory, lol! But for now, I’ll start with my most recent ramblings…

EX’s…

My girlfriend and I recently celebrated our 3 year anniversary. One of the ways she wanted to commemorated it was to leave me a note on the blog dedicated to our relationship. It was a sweet, short testament to how the difficulties she endured in past relationships was worth it because it all led to me.

*If you’d like to read what she wrote, click  here .*

I feel the same way about my past. Sometimes, you appreciate your current mate more if you’ve experienced a few relationships that weren’t quite right for you. We both agree that our relationship is the healthiest either of us has ever had. And we believe that part of our success is understanding the role that all of our past relationships have played in bringing us together. Thus, instead of regretting them, we are thankful for the lessons those failed relationships taught us and we appreciate what we have together all the more.

(After all, if you were with someone who was emotionally unstable or verbally abusive or unfaithful, and throughout the relationship you cried more than you smiled, wouldn’t you appreciate someone who was the complete opposite?)

But of course, there are always haters. Especially those haters who also happen to be ex’s. I know for a fact that one of my girlfriend’s ex’s has visited my blogs at least once a month (it was almost daily when I posted more often).

I’ve read her blog too, over the years, because it’s just so entertaining!  But I digress…

So of course she read the “Happy Anniversary” note that my girlfriend left me and (as she usually does) instead of realizing we have OTHER ex’s as well, she erroneously considered it a direct attack against her. She then decides to post a blog that includes something she’d written years ago when she was hurt that the relationship was over.

I was pissed when I read it several years ago. Now when I read it, I just feel sad. Sad for her because she may still be hurting. Oh, she’ll carefully craft more posts to convince her readers (and herself) that’s she’s moved on… healed even. She’ll continue to spin her stories about what happened, continue to publicly bash my girl when she feels that her own image is threatened… hoping to hurt and embarrass her as much as she is hurt and embarrassed… and it would probably work…

…if she indeed read your blog.

However, she does NOT read your blog. She stopped doing so when you chose to continually attack her. I’m the one who keeps up with it. I may share interesting tidbits from time to time, but she doesn’t really care. Although she does find it sad that while you’re going through something so difficult with your girl, you took the time to re-post ugliness and negativity.

I’ve always wondered about something though… why write untruths about how you were the one who ended the relationship, and say really nasty things about her, hoping she’d read it and be hurt, but then try to communicate with her (under the guise of friendship or needing advice for a troubled reader)? Were you actually surprised that she didn’t respond, after the things you wrote? To her credit, she’s made the choice not to directly attack you the way you’ve attacked her, never publicly writing untruths about you or betraying your confidences.

Neither of us would’ve been opposed to having a friendship with you if you weren’t so… emotionally unstable at times. On the whole, you seem like a cool person, but it’s clear from your writings that you have a volatile emotional nature, lashing out at those closest to you when you feel affronted (whether real or imagined), not caring who you hurt during your emotional rampage; as long as everyone who you think has wronged you is hurting as much as you are, that’s all that matters at the moment.

I’m also guessing that you’re the type of person that routinely collects confidences from others, only to use those intimacies against them when you’re hurt. You probably use your gift with words to attack (written and verbal) and then resort to the silent treatment, ignoring everyone while you lick your wounds, assess how much emotional damage you’ve done to others, and conjure up a plan to “win them back.” You probably expect everyone to “understand” and love you in spite of your instability. Then, when you feel vindicated and your victims have suffered enough, you try to heal the wounds you inflicted during your emotional wrath by showering them with loving words, attention, and affection, wooing them back into a place of comfort and false security, until the next time you lash out… starting the messy cycle all over again.

(It’s just not healthy to have people who behave in such a way in one’s inner circle because as good of a friend as they could be, you never know when they’ll turn and attack. Sometimes, if you’re in a relationship/friendship with someone like this, you usually don’t realize how bad it is until you distance yourself from them and/or you surround yourself with more emotionally stable people.)

I also believe that if you’re feeling any negative emotions while reading this, you’ll either lash out at me for “being wrong and not knowing anything about you”, or you’ll agree with some or all of it and find a way to spin it in a blog so that you can still come out on top.

It’s okay, we’ll continue to be your little monsters if it helps you feel better and takes your mind away from bigger issues…

It really is sad though. I honestly think we all could have become good friends. But I guess it is true…

…some ex’s are ex’s (and stay ex’s) for very good reasons. :-/

hips.

girl, i see you.

moving through
a sea of
mighty aphrodites
vying for your attention

making a beeline to me.

eliciting a subtle
lick of my lips
the sway of your hips
marks the passage of time
taking with it
this breath of mine

my heart

tick.

skips a beat

tock.

watching
your body rock
to the groove
takes me back to

first kisses
&
awkward pauses

sweaty palms
&
all night phone calls…

i
snap out of reverie
just in time to see
you
attack the space
in-between
to bring
us
within
kissing distance.

catching a glimpse of
our future
in your eyes
my blood temp rises
as i fantasize
about
parting those thighs
&
sliding inside…

senses unwind
bodies entwine
engaging in
sensual linguistics
revealing secrets
&
sadistic tendencies…

i
am
still
mesmerized
by
those swaying
hips

persuading me
to play like
a cool symphony
next to a lazy moon
manipulating your music
through
love, sweat, & tears
producing essential beats
with fingers
on beautiful bare skin
harmonizing to your melody
reading your dreams
as you stare into eternity…

baby, do you hear me?

my desire is talking to you.

you smile…

but
those hips…

had me before
“hello”.

Are girls drawn to “bois” who resemble their dads?

*repost from my other blog, She loves Her*

I admit that I’m the more masculine one in our relationship, and we tend to fall into traditional male and female roles (I’ll blog about this later). Leigh often remarks that I remind her of her father. It’s usually due to something I’ve said or some random behavior/mannerism I have.

For example, I fuss at her constantly about driving with less than half a tank of gas (especially in the winter)… just like her dad. And I walk around the house in a t-shirt, shorts, calf-high socks, and house slippers… just… like… her… dad.

*What? It’s comfortable… and don’t all men/studs/bois do this?*

“Oh, Lord… I’m marrying my father,” she says. Then laughs, shakes her head, and walks away.

I’m amused by it… and flattered. But the similarities she sees didn’t hit home until I met her father two weekends ago. That’s when I noticed it. We have similar life views, interests, and sense of humor. The way Leigh and I interact resembles the way her dad interacts with his wife. And we do, indeed share a few mannerisms and facial features. It’s uncanny too, because Leigh is a spitting image of her dad… I guess that’s why she and I look related…like 3rd cousins or something… *pondering the thought*

*ehem*

It’s been said that women who had close relationships with their fathers as children, tend to be drawn towards men (or maybe studs/bois?) who resemble their fathers when they grow up. In Leigh’s case, that makes a lot of sense because she’s definitely a “daddy’s girl”. It’s so cute to watch her “revert” when her dad’s around (on the phone or in person). She also does it when she wants something from me… and it always works… *humph*

So from now on, when Leigh points out that she’s “marrying her father”, I’ll smile, kiss her forehead, and reply…

“I know.”

Meet the Parents

*repost from my other blog, She loves Her*

So, I finally met my girlfriend’s parents two weeks ago. They were in town for a sporting event. Now, they’ve known of me for a while and vice versa; via holiday, birthday, and general check-in phone calls. But this is the first meeting in person.

I was nervous as hell. I mean these are THE PARENTS!

Leigh (my girl) assured me that I had nothing to worry about. “They’re just my parents”, she says with a dismissive wave of the hand.

*Oh, boy…*

We met them in the lobby of their hotel. After handshakes and hugs, I knew she was right. I had nothing, at all, to worry about.

It felt like a reunion… as if we’d all been friends for years. It was even mentioned that I looked like a close relative. I also met her parents’ hangout buddies (another awesome couple) and a few more of Leigh’s friends and family. (It was a “college-rivalry” sporting event, so busloads of people came to support their team.)

We had a great time. I sat and chatted with “mom and dad” more than Leigh did, lol! (She made her rounds to everyone else she knew…my little social butterfly…) Her parents are down-to-earth, and each has a great sense of humor. They tell anecdotes like a comedy team.

Leigh always jokes about how close and lovey-dovey her parents are. I finally got the chance to witness it firsthand. When you’re around them, the deep love and affection they share is definitely noticeable. Mom and dad still crush on each other. You can feel it. Best of all, you can tell how much they like each other. They’re best friends and enjoy each other’s company.

Her parents have been together a quarter of a century (wow… sounds amazing when you put it like that, right?).

Spending time with them reminded me of other couples I know that have been together just as long; some with good relationships and others with troubled ones. And I’ve learned that it’s not just about the quantity of time invested in a relationship, but the quality of that time.

We all get excited when we hear that a couple has been together for umpteen+ years. But do you stop and think about the quality of those years?

I’d feel uncomfortable boasting about the longevity of my relationship if it’s been riddled with strife, and we’re  still together for the convenience and comfort of it. To hell with keeping up appearances…

I don’t want a roommate. I want a wife.

Leigh and I have a solid foundation that we’re building a long-lasting and loving relationship upon…

I think we’re gonna turn into her parents.

*grin*

She loves Her

Not too long ago, I started a tumblr blog to post random snapshots of my long-term relationship… sort of like an online scrapbook.

I did it because we’re both excited about our relationship. It’s the kind we always wanted – filled with a reciprocal, consistent, and healthy love. We have our disagreements, insecurities, idiosyncrasies, and such. But we can honestly say that there isn’t any unnecessary drama.

Our relationship sustains us instead of drains us.

Having a high level of compatibility helps tremendously, as does having a certain amount of emotional maturity. When we communicate, there is no game playing, no name calling, etc. There is minimal bullshit between us. Instead, there is a willingness to admit mistakes; to apologize instead of make excuses; to understand instead of criticize. We know when to compromise and when to “agree to disagree”.

We also understand that the sincerity of our words holds no weight without consistent action behind them.

It’s not always easy keeping up this level of emotional maturity, especially for two very sensitive people. But we know that the work we put forth has both short-term and long-term benefits.

Simply put, we treat each other the way we want to be treated.

Now, I have to get this out because I can already feel negativity trying to creep between the pages. So let me say this to the naysayers and disbelievers:

What is posted on She loves Her is not meant to embarrass anyone or insult relationships different from our own. We are not responsible for any “bad” feelings that may surface upon reading a post.

But I will take credit for any and all smiles.

*grin*

Some may believe that we’re just making stuff up to “look good” and impress others…

Ummm, okay. You can think whatever you’d like, but just because you don’t believe it, doesn’t mean it’s not true.

I’m just saying…

*ehem*

The blog is a testament to our relationship. Some moments won’t be so pretty, but most of them will be…

‘Cause that’s just how we rooooll…

Sorry, it’s late…or early… and I’m getting punchy…lol!

We finally have a stable, shout-it-from-the-rooftops kind of love, and we’re gonna SHOUT…dammit.